Petition for Stronger Trans-Inclusion
at the Lesbian Sex Mafia

I would not ask any LSM Member to follow a rule I wasn’t willing to follow myself. I think creating rules where some people’s bodies are labeled dangerous or disturbing is exactly what LSM has fought so hard against for decades. Our bodies and our desires, as kinky sex-positive folks, have been persecuted and ostracized in multiple communities — I do not want to see LSM, a community that I deeply value, repeat those mistakes.

I think that for many people the question on the table is whether it is necessary, justified, and effective to make LSM a space that feels safe and welcoming to everyone by making it a space that doesn’t treat everyone equally. And I don’t believe it is any of the three.

It is not necessary: we can and should provide support to the survivors in our community without protecting them and thus taking their choices away, and without interfering with other people’s bodies.

It is not justified: LSM’s by-laws clearly state that treating trans women equally is part of its mission, and it is a regrettable moral trade-off to ensure the rights of one group by taking them away from another.

And it is not effective: we are asking trans women to keep their bodies covered as a short-cut when we really need to be supportive of the survivors in our community, have a clear procedure for what to do when someone is harassed at a party, and work together to create an environment of mutual respect.

And of course, even if this method were necessary, justified, and effective, it would be making LSM a space that is safe and welcoming not to everyone, but to everyone except trans women and their allies. This isn’t a conflict of rights, and there is not only so much safety go around. We can make LSM a space that welcomes survivors of violence and trans women, as well as everyone else we claim to serve.

I have strong opinions about this policy for a few reasons. First, I am a trans guy. When my girlfriend and I have sex, she is sucking off my cock. It is not a dick-in-a-drawer that I can detach and put away that she is referring to; it is my biological parts — no matter what my genitals look like, it is my cock. If LSM is open to trans men, saying that my parts don’t count under this rule feels like an invalidatation of my identities as a man. If my parts do count, then I feel like I’m not being treated like all the other members of LSM. Either way, this policy makes me feel excluded.

Second, different trans people have different ways to express and change their bodies to match their genders. Not everyone chooses to have lower surgery, whether for personal choice, financial reasons, or medical risks. LSM typically works hard to include women, regardless of financial status or ability level — yet here, it seems LSM is not consistent.

Finally, I want to say that I acknowledge and understand the original intention behind this policy may have had to do with protecting abuse survivors. While this intention is admirable, I don’t think this is the way to provide a safe space for abuse survivors, especially as it assumes that the only thing a member of LSM may have been abused by/may be triggered by is a biological penis, ignoring the myriad ways a person can be sexually abused. Furthermore, as an abuse survivor, I find that people typically know what’s best for themselves, and an organization is not responsible for preventing them from seeing anything that might ever trigger them. We can only support them, and perhaps there is a better compromise that can serve to create a safe space for them.

I’m against any policy that explicitly gives power, privileges, and opportunities to men and denies them to women. I think LSM is too, but in the case of this policy my male body is granted rights and privileges denied to female bodies in LSM’s space.

LSM should respect and love all trans people’s bodies.

I’m so proud of you all and LSM for taking on this discriminatory policy. As a transman, it’s unsettling and upsetting to me that a lot of work around transinclusion in my communities has only been to the benefit of transmasculine folks and those who were assigned female at birth. This policy is a shameful example of the way that we — even within our highly marginalized communities — recreate the systems of oppression that place men at the top of the pecking order and women at the bottom. My trans sisters deserve the same rights and privileges that we all enjoy, and removing this policy is one of many steps we need to take in order to show our commitment to women’s rights.

Policies such as these serve to keep Women down, make judgments on Women’s bodies and make a judgment on who is a good and who is a bad Transperson. This policy also makes a statement about what a penis is, and specifically what a “real” penis is. By stating that “bio-penises” must be covered diminishes the realness of the penises (physical and astral) of folks whose bodies are deemed Ok by LSM (female-assigned folks). This policy also totally denies the existence of Intersex folks. There are plenty of Transfeminine folks who can not afford or do not want or cannot have bottom surgeries. Woman-positive needs to mean ALL WOMEN regardless of body type.

Trans women are women too. Why are some women's bodies pathologized and kept hidden? That's transphobic. As long as this policy stands, LSM will not be a trans-friendly organization.

I am a survivor of abuse. Many of my partners have been survivors, too. I have been working in victim’s assistance for over a dozen years. I also teach kink and sex classes for survivors and their partners.

Helping survivors is hard. Thinking about violence and abuse in our communities and our lives is hard. We are all tempted to find easy answers. We are all tempted to protect. It’s not easy to accept that we can’t.

One thing I know, from all my experience, is that abuse and trauma takes away your power and control. And that the best way to help a survivor is by supporting that survivor in whatever decisions he or she makes. The most fundamental way to help is by stepping back, and listening, and allowing the survivor to choose. Even if you think the choice is wrong.

We can’t point our finger at the people we think are most likely to hurt or scare or upset people, and decide we want them out of our community, or want them to hide the things that mark them as scary or different in our eyes. That’s what people do to us as queers, as butches and femmes, as kinky people. Doing that protects no one from anything but their own discomfort with the difference they perceive, and their discomfort with the work it would take to truly address the problem of abuse in our community. Most importantly, doing that is a distraction. A distraction from the people that are actually perpetrating violence and abuse. A distraction from the real needs of survivors.

If you think that protecting me from the sight of transwomen’s bodies is helping, you are missing the reality. The reality is, you can’t protect me from violence or from the aftermath of it. The reality is that even if you could, it would be at the cost to my dignity and self-determination. The reality is that trans people and survivors are often the same people. The reality is that cutting off my face to protect my arm is not a viable or helpful solution. I am both trans and a survivor. And neither one of those aspects of who I am is helped by requiring “penises” to stay hidden at a party.

I am a pledge member of LSM.

I believe LSM is an aggressive supporter of transgender rights and that the policy under discussion was certainly never meant to make anyone of any gender feel wrong, or shamed or "less than". I further understand that the rule was primarily geared to protect the feelings of abuse survivors. Although this was a noble intention, protectionism simply does not work. Protectionism simply disempowers (and generally pisses off) those it was intended to benefit, as well as those whose rights are limited by protectionist laws and rules.

As such, I support rescinding the rule.

I congratulate and celebrate LSM for its long history of leadership in sex positivism. I am proud to be a member.

Gentlepersons,

I am writing to add my support to this petition. As a survivor of significant traumas, and as individual who has dealt with the societal oppressions of racism, classism, sexism, sexual prejudice and cisgenderism, I find this "rule of etiquette" to be as distasteful and as discriminatory as "No ***** need apply." In essence, this is the message being given. You are NOT allowing all women to explore their sexuality as they choose.

In true service of survivors, why not offer services during scenes or play parties? A quiet room with trained volunteers, or better yet, consult or contract with a kink-friendly therapist, and have them on-site or/and train crisis staff?

I strongly believe that it is both internally inconsistent and morally wrong for a women's sex group which professes to welcome trans women to have rules which tell them that their bodies are somehow wrong, disturbing, or otherwise unsuitable for display and use at a sexual gathering which is centered on exposing and exploring bodies.

The whole point of LSM’s parties is to encourage and allow participants to be who they are, no matter who they are. By having this rule in place, it disrespects trans people’s identities and self-determination of their bodies.

I was drawn to the women’s community, the queer community and the kink community out of a desire for wholeness. I wanted all parts of my identity and experience to be seen as part of one whole person. I hate to think of my trans friends being told they are only female, desirable or an equal part of this community from the waist up. Everyone I have encountered in LSM has done brave hard work to stay intact as a person. I know we can do this work to stay intact as a community.

Why deprive the lesbians among us who love women with penises or enlarged clits or beards? Some of us think they are very hot and special and magical and beyond sexy. Better to educate women about all kinds of women and erotic possibilities and help them become more penis positive and inclusive than to try and “protect” them. Including trans women’s gentialia in groups like yours is the wave of the future. Why be so old fashioned now? You’ve come a long way and done great work/play. Let’s keep going towards more pleasure, more inclusion, more compassion, more love, more eroticism, more orgasmic fun. Trans people are HOT HOT HOT HOT and can add so much to your parties and groups when they can be fully who they are and show who they are including below the waist. Maybe especially below the waist. It’s a waste of precious erotic resources not to include trans genitalia. Power to the trannymals!!!

I’m an experienced pro-domme, fetish model, and private player, and general badass (I’m a cofounder of the radical sex worker group SWANK, and I was one of the hosts of the big bang party last june, for example). However, I would never attend a sex party that was trans-phobic or -discriminatory — truly safe spaces mean that everyone in them feels safe to express themselves for who they are. I have deep respect for the LSM as an organization and I believe it is time for this policy to evolve in pace with our community’s consciousness. I want to come to one of your parties, already!

I am a transgenderqueer woman who is not a member of LSM. More accurately, I am woman who is beginning to recognize that play parties and sex positive spaces are not liberating, safe spaces where I feel accepted and welcome enough to be able to be vulnerable. I can’t go to those communities and take part in the experience of freedom that other people have.

The last few Submit parties and the Desire party I went to I’ve cried while walking home, cried on the subway, cried at home. As queer people, I’m sure that most of us share the experience of being the only one, the lonely one, the one who has to tolerate the bile and abuse that other people throw at us, the freak.

There has been only one time that someone ever approached me at Submit and asked me to play. We went to her apartment and she said how wonderful and liberating it was to be in a women only space. I told her that it was a women and trans space. She said, “Really? I didn’t know that. They let them in? I didn’t see any of them there. I mean, you can’t hide that.” I licked her cunt to keep her hands off mine. She kept saying I was so hot, and never knew I was one of the people she was sure she could spot. I left as she basked in her orgasm.

Like a lot of women, I have issues with my body. I’m fat, I’m ugly. But I also have the shame of being transgenderqueer. I’m told that I’m dangerous, I’m the person who will break communities apart, create schisms, if people even talk about me. I make women’s spaces unsafe. I’m forced to take the identity of the rapist of your childhood, and that makes me the rapist of my childhood. I am one of Them, because I am not allowed to be me.

I stand awkward and watch how no one, myself included, makes eye contact with the older transgender women. I wonder how I can be so present but invisible, and that touches the screaming insanity of being the invisible girl I was before it was safe enough for me to make myself known.

I’m not allowed to have a cunt. My cunt can’t be seen, it can’t be touched, it can’t be pleasured because it will make the space unsafe. My cunt can only be the hidden, hideous it. My cunt can’t be part of me. I don’t have ownership of it, it’s your ‘bio-cock’, the penis that people insist makes me a man.

I’ve found that at play parties I can only take the role I was taught to take as a child. I can pleasure other people, I can fuck them with my mouth, my hands, I can make them cum, and I’m really good at that, but I am not allowed to be pleasured. I’m not allowed sex. I can cause pain, I can take pain, but I can’t be cherished. Instead of joy, I’m told to feel shame, live in it and breath it, to be shame.

The first thing that greets me at the door tells me to be afraid that someone will see my body.

I feel all this each time I go to a party alone, hang around shy and awkward a bit while no one talks to me, and then leave. So I’m sad and lonely and try to work through my sexual trauma by myself. It’s getting too painful to even try to get a date, to put that hope out there. I get flagged for posting in women4women sections, and where I’m supposed to post in craigslist is the misc section, and there is no button for t4women. I can be a shemale, someone’s first chick with a dick, guy with tits. At Paddles I’m really attractive and wanted until I tell them I’m trans, and then suddenly I’m challenging. I’m anything but just another girl. There is no place I can go, either on-line or in real life, where I can find someone who wants me. I spend my entire life now to try and help create and nurture those places, and that demands me to be so strong, so skillful and absorb so much pain that I know I’m sacrificing my life to it. I’ve lived and somehow survived through so much now that I don’t ever, ever relax. The warm, gentle part of me towards me is somewhere so far away that I can't even conceive of it. I don’t have a concept of safety. This grinds my life down so much that it will probably kill me. A scant two years ago it almost did.

This is my sex life, my reality. I am so hungry for touch, and the only thing I can do is hug myself. My life is one of the Untouchable.

A woman should not be forced to be ashamed of her body, and this rule puts non-female born women in a position of inferiority and segregation.

Speaking as someone who has attended and enjoyed sex and play parties in the past, from a personal point of view I know I wouldn’t be comfortable at an event where the organizers had made decisions about what attendees could expose what parts of their bodies; that’s a kind of judgment I don’t think is right or appropriate at an event dedicated to a nonjudgmental environment. And from an objective point of view, if LSM has made a decision to include transpeople at its parties, it isn’t right to then subject them to restrictions that do not apply to other attendees.

How can anyone feel safe to explore and play with bodies in a space that requires some party goers to hide their bodies in order to protect others from the way they look? If LSM wants to help women to become less ashamed of their bodies rather than to create more shame, they need to change this policy and also make a very public apology.

“No bio-penis” policies are 1) classist (as many trans women cannot afford surgery), 2) objectifying (as they reduce trans women to our mere body parts), and 3) phallocentric (as they buy into the male myth that the penis represents power/oppression/domination/etc.). In other words, such policies are not only anti-trans-woman, but anti-feminist as well. And arguments that trans women’s penises may “trigger” non-trans women invisibilize the fact that every day trans women are physically violated and abused for being women too.

I care for people who are trans, and it seems there is already so much exclusion to be faced every waking moment in this world we share. If LSM is supposed to be an inclusive space for trans women, then there is a level of responsibility that is due to be taken. Rethinking policy, words, and action is a continuous practice that must be upheld in spaces that strive to be inclusive. Please provide trans equality in LSM etiquette.

Echoing Annie Sprinkle exactly. Gender fluidity is in to stay.

I am so very tired of having to consider every day how to dress so as not to allow my body to offend, disturb, or arouse people at work or on the streets. I am finally coming to terms with the fact that I should not feel responsible for the feelings that my physical appearance may incite in others. I want the freedom NOT to have to constantly protect others from their feelings of discomfort that my body may evoke for them, and I would not ask anyone else to cover up or change themselves to protect me from my feelings, whatever they may be.

As a genderqueer individual, it is important that my gender identity and sexuality is respected and included in every space. My gender identity is fluid, therefore my sexual orientation is. If we are to allow people to rise — in life, spirit or sexuality — we must allow for fluidity. This is particularly true in the case of male-asssigned/bodied women who seek to participate in LSM parties. The party etiquette rule should be removed.

LSM should respect ALL women’s bodies! Not too mention, why go out of your way to make a classist policy?!

As a queer woman, I want to be able to be in spaces with all queer women. For me to feel positive and comfortable in my body, and with my body as a public spectacle, I need to know that the bodies of all women are supported.

This issue matters to me because I have a number of trans friends whom I think deserve inclusion after all the trouble they have gone through to become women. One of my trans female friends was allowed in a lesbian orgy and it meant such a great deal to her that she was so accepted as a woman.

I live in Boston and so am not an LSM member, but I would like to think that there is a space out there like LSM where I could have fun and find community that fully and completely welcomes transwomen.

The petition matters to me because as a queer community, we cannot support exclusion. If someone feels like LSM is a safe space for them, then why, as community members, should we exclude them when the rest of the world takes such an active role in doing so already?

Quite simply, I feel like the policy discriminates against transwomen who choose not to have “bottom surgery” for a variety of reasons, including lack of financial resources or a conscious choice to challenge gender and genital binaries.

Hello Sisters!

I’m writing to sign the petition for including all those who who understand themselves as women either in the present or in the past to be welcomed as all women are in our support groups and play spaces. I have listened to many struggles over the years to “define” what is a woman: my own conclusion is that our possibilities are far too vast to fit within twenty-five words or less. I applaud all who expand our understanding of womanhood — and play with them as well.

Love to you all.

LSM is a vital and important organization, I believe it is imperative that they make their policies more trans-inclusive.

In the last few years I’ve attended several NYC-area play parties that have been open to different kinds of people in different ways. One party I went to had a rule like this in effect — that some people could attend but only if they kept parts of themselves out of sight and out of play. At the time, I didn’t think it was a big deal. After all, I happened to be one of those people, and it’s not like I really wanted to walk around the party entirely naked; if I wanted to play in a more exposed way with someone, show them my whole self, we could always go to their place or my place, right? And I don’t usually walk around advertising that I’m trans, anyway. I didn't realize what the effect would be as soon as I walked into that space, where all sorts of queer bodies of different shapes and sizes were represented in all sorts of different situations and positions. It was a liberating space, but only so long as the area between my legs was officially a void that could be ignored and disregarded. When all of this started to filter into my consciousness, I couldn’t help but feel a very tangible effect. I felt like quite a few parts of me were entirely turned off and deadened. Trans people must constantly deal with other people’s perceptions of our bodies, and what our bodies mean. We struggle with society and with our own socialization for years or decades to find our own meanings, come to terms with our bodies, find a way to live in these bodies through a combination of re-embodiment, medical interventions, gender expression and all sorts of other coping strategies. Very few trans people have uncomplicated or amicable relationships with their own genitals... and rules like this only make that worse. I’ve personally struggled with this stuff for more years than I can really count, and it was a shock to me to find that coming into a space that was supposed to be safe for queer people actually ended up feeling like I was in some kind of cellphone scrambling zone that short-circuited my sexuality and my own connection with my body. I can’t really “blame” anyone else for my own visceral, unanticipated reaction to living under a rule about my body. But think about it... if you were at a play party, how would you feel if parts of your body were turned into a “forbidden zone,” turned off, tuned out?

Trans-inclusion is important!

The subtext of this policy is that trans women are merely tolerated in LSM, when they should be joyfully welcomed. I could not join an organization that superficially “includes” trans women while denying some trans women the right to be their entire selves.

As a queer-identified trans woman who attends play parties, this rule prevents me from attending LSM parties or becoming a member. As a feminist, I don’t believe some women should be treated differently based on the shapes of their bodies. As a pro-sex, pro-kink, queer activist, I believe decisions about sex reassignment surgery are not only highly personal but are based on class due to the extraordinary costs involved and ability, HIV status, weight and overall health. Few if any reputable surgeons will operate on any trans woman who is deemed overweight by their standards, HIV+, unable to physically perform post-operative care themselves, or already dealing with any major health issue. And that’s not even giving consideration to the fact that not all women can achieve orgasm following surgery. I can’t understand subjecting some women to different rules unless they’re willing to submit themselves to the will of the heterosexual-male-dominated medical industry for expensive, risky surgery. Personally, I just want the right to explore my sexuality without having to feel ashamed of my body.

I support the position of the women who want the statement “If you have a bio-penis, please keep it covered” removed from the rules of etiquette. Such a rule implies shame for a body part which, while no longer of great use perhaps, is not the “fault” of its owner.

Here’s to greater and more joyous transpace in 2008.

LSM should be a welcoming space for all women. It is unfortunate that an organization that has done the good work of specifically including transgender women in its by-laws would also suggest that some women’s bodies — more specifically, some transwomen’s bodies — should be concealed and not celebrated.

I have heard/read several folks suggest that the policy was initially intended to protect abuse survivors. I’d like to address this as well. I believe that trying to keep survivors safe by concealing biological penises reinforces the myth that female-assigned folks are inherently safe. This policy also seems to prioritize the safety of some survivors over others’. And really, as a survivor, I wonder whether some of these protection-aimed policies underestimate us. Speaking only for myself, I do not feel more protected or empowered in spaces where specific body types are excluded. I feel safest in consent-focused spaces. I feel empowered when able to make my own decisions. Trans-exclusion does not help with either.

I believe that the idea that all penises (and the people who have them) are incompatible with the lesbian community is outdated and unfeminist. This is one of the reasons, though I identify as a lesbian (whatever that may mean at any given moment) I do not often identify with any lesbian community.

The binaristic notion that the physical body is mapped to gender is one that we must move beyond in order to truly support the humanity of all people. In order to truly embrace a trans perspective, we need to be willing to see, celebrate and honor trans bodies as they are presented to us.

Today I had the honor of hearing Melba Beals speak — one of the Little Rock 9. It is because of her bravery that schools are integrated, that the civil rights movement forced our nation to deal with its own racism, with its hatred, with its stubborn and harmful ignorance. When asked what she wanted to leave us with she said we must “see equal to be equal.” We must truly have unconditional love and regard for all people. We must take it upon ourselves to be conscious, to educate ourselves, to be courageous and do what is right. In this case, I have the opportunity to speak in support of trans women.

As a lover of transmen, this issue effects me deeply. I feel truly saddened and enraged when the first question asked of me about my love is whether they have had both top and bottom surgery. Clearly, they do not truly see my love as male unless he has realligned his body to fit with society’s expectation of what a male body should look like. How is this OK? Why should my love be forced to modify his precious body to conform to their ideas? Why should a trans woman be forced to hide her precious body to conform to your idea of what a woman is? How is this equal?

I hope you see that this rule undermines the inclusion you claim to promote. Don’t you see that gender is a complex, layered, spiritual, phenomenal dimension of our being? Don’t you see that as a society we need desparately to move into a new understand of gender? That genitalia does not equal gender, but rather gender can redefine genitalia? What is a bio-penis ? A trans woman does not have a bio-penis. A trans woman’s body is a woman’s body! My love does not have a bio-vagina... he has a cock. That’s what he calls it. That’s what I experience. The fact that you can’t see that is your ignorance. Get conscious. Educate yourself. Because your ignorance is harmful.

We must learn to respect and admire trans bodies as they are... to appreciate trans bodies in all their forms. Please do not bring shame onto a trans woman’s body. Don’t you think she has had enough of that? Is that really the role you want to play? Please be a part of this important movement to celebrate a trans perspective and honor all trans bodies!

If there is anything I’ve learned in my experience as a butch dyke, it is that anatomical body parts mean nothing, inherently, about a person’s identifications, desires, or politics. I wasn’t born with a biological penis, but sexually I see myself as having a cock — my girlfriend sucks cum out of my cock even if she can’t literally taste it, and when I fuck her I come inside her pussy. My presence at LSM events would go unquestioned, unchallenged, even welcomed as enriching the atmosphere. My identity as a butch dyke is not seen as antithetical to how I fuck or my psychosexual desires. My lesbian status in the eyes of LSM is not, at least from my experience, threatened by my cock.

I understand the potential value of queer-only, women-and-trans-only spaces, but I feel nothing but uninhibited anger when I see a “lesbian” group practicing the same kind of exclusivity it critiques and feigning respect for transwomen’s identities while completely disrespecting their bodies and sexualities. The fact that my girlfriend and I wouldn’t technically be allowed to fuck at an LSM party is one of the primary reasons I have not attended LSM events. If this “standard of etiquette” doesn’t change, perhaps I’ll fist my girlfriend while she’s in a sling at Submit party and I’ll say “fuck you” to anyone who tells her to cover up properly, tries to kick us out, or claims we’re “not lesbian enough.”

My girlfriend and I have a lot of hot raunchy dyke sex. Sometimes we like to fuck in public, and sometimes we like to hang out with other kinky dykes, too. This is common knowledge. Occasionally someone (usually by way of hitting on one or both of us) will say, “Oh, haven’t I seen you at an LSM party?” Unfortunately, we have to respond, “No, I don’t go to those parties, because I wouldn’t be comfortable in a space that makes discriminatory policies about trans bodies.”

I love my girlfriend’s cocks — yes, cocks, all four of them — even though she wasn’t born with one. I think this penis/no penis, biological/nonbiological nonsense is really just distracting us from the bigger issue: getting together and getting off.

I’m signing today in support of more inclusive space. It is sad to see a group that has done much to include trans-folk into their spaces, at the same time working to exclude certain transwomen. Although there is a good intention in maintaining a safe (enough) space, that should mean safety around consent and not taking away any persons, or group of peoples, right to be welcomed and embraced in the space. I’m also troubled by the implications of this policy as it continues to feed into systems of privilege and oppression that serve to marginalize women-identified people and transpeople in general on a myriad of levels. Everyone should have the right to explore their sexuality without being told that their bodies are “unacceptable.”

As a cysgender queer woman in a wonderful, loving, sexy relationship with a transgender woman, I find LSM’s current play party rules regarding trans womens bodies to be transphobic and offensive. As a queer community, we should be working hard to create spaces where all of our bodies are respected — not spaces where some bodies are privileged over others.

What makes LSM so very special, and probably the reason it has survived for over 25 years, is that it evolves. Through the decades that have passed since it’s founding in 1981 there have been many policy changes. One of the most painful and controversial dealt with transgendered issues. Looking back it seems we have taken larger and more inclusionary steps down this road every 5 years or so and perhaps the time has come to do so again.

Plain and simple we made the decision to include transsexuals. We have given them membership and bid them welcome. We opened that door with full knowledge of who we were inviting to enter. We, rightly, considered them women and all women belonging to LSM deserve to be treated equally.

As someone who counts among my friends many who are transgendered I know the challenges these individuals face. Expecting them to feel welcome when we forbid them to expose their bodies is problematic and does run counter to the purpose of LSM as an organization.

There are several reasons the restriction was put in place. First was to accommodate women who had survivor issues and told us that the sight of a penis would cause them enormous psychological grief. Although I read the impassioned words of the survivor who says a penis is not a trigger for her I ask that we continue to be sensitive to those for whom it might be. Further, these restrictions where enacted to put at ease the few members who stood more firmly in the lesbian, feminist, separatist camp and found male genitalia enormously distasteful. Lastly, there was the issue of cross dressers taking advantage of a more liberal transgendered policy.

However I think there are other, nonprejudicial, and far more constructive ways to deal with any relevant issues. LSM’s three basic tenets are strong and have stood the test of time. The issues, such as crossdressers getting in or someone inappropriately forcing genital contact, which this policy sought to restrict should be viewed as harassment. Since harassment is something that people of all genders and sexual orientations are capable of — having a policy that was universally applied would solve this problem in a much more equitable way. Might I suggest an antiharassment policy that applies to all party-goers, and that is made available so that everyone knows what they should do if they see something or experience something that violates LSM’s core tenets. It would be more welcoming to everyone in the space, and create a stronger, safer place for everyone to play in.

So in conclusion I put my name upon the petition to repeal the party etiquette rule requiring all bio-penises to stay covered and instead ask that they be used wisely and for the enjoyment of all concerned. Something tells me that allowing transgendered members basic human dignity to express and experience as every other member is allowed to do isn’t going to amount to a huge exposition of bio-penises running around being flaunted and exalted. No LSM member shoves her genitals in the face of another who doesn’t request it. Some things will never change.

We have a legacy to be proud of and this is just one more evolutionary step that needs to be taken.

It is a gross miscarriage of justice to have those who live their lives as women to be treated differently in a play party solely based on the fact that they have not taken the step to have a very expensive and somewhat dangerous surgery. I approve to allow transwomen to not only attend parties but be allowed to enjoy the same freedom and pleasure at a party as non-transwomen.

As a queer transwoman, I find the current etiquette policy offensive. If you’re going to say that transwomen who have or have not had any surgery are welcome in your group, it is ridiculous as well as discriminatory to then request that they abide by a different set of rules for their bodies.

As a Trans Leatherdyke, this issue is very important to me.

Gender fluidity matters.

LSM should end transphobia within their organization, their spaces and their policies.

Although not a member of the group, I find it very interesting that it discriminates considering the horrific treatment our community receives. How can one consider it a “safe” environment when one is not accepted? “Cringe Factor” or not, if you want to be equal in society — it begins within your own community.

As one of the cultural capitals of the U.S., NY should be at the forefront of inclusive practices. I hope this petition is successful in achieving inclusion for anyone who wants to use this space for sexual and personal identity development.

As a sexual abuse survivor, I concur. This kind of “protection” is, aside from insulting, utterly useless. And are we assuming here that all sexual abuse survivors experienced it at the hands of someone with a penis? Not to mention the fact that anyone in the kinky community should know better than to think that avoiding a difficult conversation is seldom safe or wise, just because it’s difficult. How would we do what we do without speaking difficult truths and finding clear boundaries on what is and is not acceptable to us?

In this pomosexual world, I dearly wish that all of us, led by those of us on the edge, would allow each of us to self-identify around gender identity and sexual desire, and make space to act on that self-identification without discrimination, intimidation, or any kind of harassment.

I’m very much in favor of changing your policy to keep bio-penises covered. I have been involved with, as lovers and friends, many trans people of several orientations so far in my life. I am always frustrated at the treatment these usually totally awesome people get. Others in the queer community often believe they have the right to police who is acceptable and who is not based not only on what is or isn’t in a person’s pants, but even just on their perceptions of that!

Clearly LSM has advanced beyond the cruelty of basing these judgment on perceptions and now it is time for you to move beyond the actual what is in their pants issue as well! As a known kink oriented girl in a small town full of judgmentally inclined lesbians, I relate to how rotten it is to be marginalized by the very folks who are supposedly your sisters, on your side so to speak. As a member of an all women’s BDSM group in Madison, I was proud that, when some of our previously female-identified members came out as transmen, we simply changed the wording of our mission to include transpeople. However, transwomen never felt welcome enough to attend our group while I was still there. I hope that my old group would accept them as readily as we accepted transmasculine folks, but I do have worries. LSM is THE organization we and I suspect many similar groups looked to when we began and set up our policies. Please keep setting a good example by eliminating this silly rule that bio-penises must be covered. There are so many great reasons to change it and only ugly fear-based reasons not to.

A woman’s body is her body. Our bodies have great diversity, which is something to be celebrated, not shamed. Let’s celebrate the body of every woman.

When I was twenty years old, I woke up one day and realized that if I didn’t commit, actively, every day, to fighting the messages about my body, my sexuality, my very selfhood, with which my fundamentally patriarchal and sexually schizoid culture had so effectively indocrinated me that I actually believed they were my own — that if I didn’t recognize that every time I looked in the mirror and berated myself for my thunderthighs, I was parroting back at myself a misogynistic lie so insidious that I can’t even trace when or where or how I first learned it — that if I didn’t recognize that I avoided looking at, thinking about, or physically conceptualizing my cunt, not because it was inherently ugly or damaged or flawed, and not because its existence meant that I was a weaker sub-class of human being, but because I had accepted the LIE that all of those things were true and had therefore become my own victimizer — that I was going lose myself. That the me inside me who was quietly and confidently convinced of my own worth was slowly going to disappear. That I was going to spend my life with the vast majority of the inside of my skull completely overrun with nasty evil little fuckers of pieces of cultural propaganda spinning around constantly on the hamster wheel from hell. “Too fat. Too thin. Don’t eat that. Don’t say no. You can’t. You shouldn’t. He’s right. Throw up. Give up. Stress out. Shut up. Go away. You’re wrong. You’re ugly. Stand down. You’re wrong. Smile like a good girl and be quiet.”

So I painted studies of nude modern art on my walls, and made myself pay attention to every negative thing I thought about my body and how often that actually occurred (which was frighteningly frequent), and posted quotes like “Where’s the revolution? My body is FUCKING BEAUTIFUL, and every time I look in the mirror and acknowledge that, I am contributing to the revolution” on every mirror in my house. And...here’s the key...I surrounded myself with people who were committed to the same fight. I found a community that was actively committed to treating my body like the sacred piece of the human story it is, and I let conversations with those people replace the hamster wheel. And you know what? It worked.

LSM is — or should be — just such a community. And for me, it is. I have a cisgendered female body. LSM has made no rule that requires me to regard my body with shame. I and my breasts and my cunt are welcome to inhabit LSM space in whatsoever fashion I choose.

And it absolutely breaks my heart to imagine that there are people, some of whom I know and love and many of whom I never will, who THOUGHT they had found that same kind of welcome in a supportive, inclusive community — who THOUGHT they had found a harbor in the cultural storm raging around their bodies and their choices about their bodies — who were ASSURED, explicitly, IN WRITING, in the bylaws of that community, that they had indeed found just such a harbor — and who were then told, in no uncertain terms, that something about their bodies was indeed dangerous and shameful and unwelcome, after all.

Bodies are not shameful. Period. But such careless treatment of certain bodies by an organization that had committed itself, explicitly and in writing, to treating all women and all transpeople as equally valued members of its community absolutely IS.

Even for trans women who, for reasons of personal comfort/body dysphoria/self-consciousness, don’t “use” the genitals they were born with, or wouldn’t wish to appear fully nude a public setting, this policy still sends a message of exclusion, or of less-than-full inclusion. It says, in effect, You’re welcome here, but not as a full member of this community; your welcomeness is subject to everyone else’s comfort level. To the extent that the concerns motivating this rule are legitimate ones, there are much better ways to address them than unequal treatment of trans women.

I am not a member of LSM, but I am a pre-op transman. I was raised female among a group of strong feminists and I find this discrimination of women based on their biology shameful and I suppport this eloquent and inclusive statement. I might also add, however, that where the LSM Petitioners write that gender confirmation surgery is often class-based for transwomen given the high cost of these procedures it is also racially-based as class and race are so often intertwined. This petition is well-written and incredibly supportive of transwomen and survivors. Well done.

As a transwoman, my penis is always a problem. I don’t identify with it. It is very painful for me to see women react to me as if I were male, especially in women’s space. I want so badly to be fully accepted in women’s space. I can never be part of the man club — I’m a woman. But if women won’t allow me fully into their club, I’ve got no club to belong to. It’s damn lonely.

I am a pre-op trans woman. I’ve been struggling with whether or not to explore BDSM, and have concluded that, for personal reasons, it’s not for me at this time. However, should I become interested in BDSM, I cannot possibly see joining an organization that says that it welcomes all trans folks, then tells me that part of my body is bad and shameful. I see the “cover your bio-penis” policy as hypocritical, blatantly transphobic, and misogynistic. Policies like this are one reason that I stay away from BDSM.

I see this policy as very disrespectful and transphobic towards trans men as well, since it’s essentially stating that trans men are ok because they have “women’s” bodies, and “women’s” genitals; in other words, this policy states that trans men are “really women,” thus denying their self-identification as men, and denying the way they perceive their bodies and their genitals.

This policy should be overturned.

I am a lesbian-oriented transsexual woman, and I may not ever have surgery to remove my “bio-penis.” You see, a “bio-penis” is the physiological analog to the clitoris, which plays a very important part in any woman’s sexual experience. Transitioning hormonally has an incredible effect in repurposing the penis into it’s female counterpart, both in size (it gets smaller) and in sensation (it still provides sexual pleasure, though in a different dynamic). Considering the fact that my long-time partner and I thoroughly enjoy its presence without ever feeling like there is any “male energy” involved, and the fact that the surgical procedure to create a “neo-vagina” is far from creating a viable clitoris with the function I already have, I just don’t see the point. You have to accept what you’re given at some level. So I’d like to add my signature to this petition, because I truly know that what you are talking about when you say “bio-penis” is really “giant clitoris.” And I’m sorry, but denying any woman’s status as a woman just because she has a larger-than-average clitoris is just wrong. Variations exist in the creation of all women, transgendered or cisgengered. Stop focusing on the physical and start paying attention to the essential. That is where femaleness truly resides.

I am a biological male who classifies himself as pansexual. I feel that the segregation that is happening within your organization breaks down the GLBTQ Community instead of solidifying its unity.